Lately I have been feeling like Tom Hanks in Big, it's as though I fell asleep one night an awkward teen and woke up in my mid-twenties. I have have grown good at faking the maturity and confidence the 18-year old me would expect from someone in their mid-twenties, but without the genuine resolute in my actions and character.
Somedays it feels like everything is fluid and up for debate-- Where am I going to live? What is my career? Who are my role models? How do I like my eggs? It's exhausting. However, there are things I know:
* I can bike 100 miles
* The best way to start a morning is with a quad soy latte
* I am going to run a marathon
* I am passionate about politics, social entrepreneurship, and technology
* I enjoy writing
* I love dogs
* I am a city-person
* I like overcast weather more than sunny
* I am a good listener
* I am more introspective than outgoing
* I am not a patriot, but I cry every time I hear the national anthem
These things feel absolute and unwavering. They hold true on my best and worst days. Why isn't more of life charging towards things that are resolute instead of fretting over what those goals are (or should be)?
Recently, I have had two revelations. The first, is that as I get older, goals become fewer and less obvious. Graduating, getting a job, moving in to my first apartment were all goals that I worked for and that my whole support system helped me achieve, but as I get older there aren't as many of those obvious "firsts" to work towards. The second, is that maybe that is the point. Maybe being an adult is all about making those goals for yourself. Maybe, it's about defining new firsts and charging at them.
Four months ago, before I had fully realized these revelations, I signed up for a marathon. Four months ago, I hated running and I had never run more than three miles, but when I asked myself if there was any part of me that ever wanted to experience running a marathon I found myself intrigued by the challenge. Turns out being a marathon runner had unknowingly been on my bucket list and, as soon as I acknowledged it, I became passionate and driven towards succeeding.
Today, I can proudly say that I run 35-40 miles per week and ran the first half of the San Francisco marathon. I will be running the entire Nike Women's Marathon on October 14. I don't know if I will always be a runner, but after I cross that finish line I will be forever be a marathoner.
photo credit: dvdbeaver
